The Gospel According to a Church Dropout
God and I will always be close.
Whether I’m in religion or not. I no longer subscribe to the school of religion because, well, I am a perfectionist. To me, if we have agreed as believers not to engage in social drinking and drug use, then we should not. No exceptions! Notice the example I have used…No where in scripture is it explicitly written that we should not drink. At least not in these exact words. It is written that we should not give ourselves over to drunkenness. Which alludes to us making use of the Holy Spirit’s fruit of self control.
Yes. I was born “Christian”. The first 25 years of my life were spent in the church. Serving, worshiping and being eaten up by the guilt of being unable to reach the standards of holiness that were emphasized upon, every Sunday, on the pulpit. Not a day would go by without being tormented by the fear of hell. I feared hell more than God. Religion shaped my mind to believe that God is controlled by the prayers of righteous men; and so if my pastor were to pronounce a curse upon liars and fornicators, then God would strike me.
At the age of 25, painful circumstances led to my exit from the church. I stayed outside haunted by the thoughts of Armageddon and fear that the antichrist had finally won over my soul. My 26th year would be the most confusing and depressing one.Though my career was bliss, my mind was sick. All my personal principles and goals, up until then, had been built upon the foundations of the Christian faith. I would only take up projects that were agreeable in the community. Problem is, that my career is in the arts…
I am a creative. My mind runs wild with stories and concepts, day in and day out. For the first 25 years, my imagination was limited within the confines of the boundaries set in my Christian-shaped mind. At 26, the walls finally broke and I went wild. I not only explored the “dark side” but experimented with drugs to open up my mind more. I had never had a sip of alcohol before then, unlike my ex-brethren who would indulge in secrecy and worship on the pulpit the next day. This is the hypocrisy that led me to seeing the bluff in organized religion. A pastor condemning fornicators, yet his second wife lives in absolute bliss and secrecy…
Leaving religion is the best thing that ever happened to my art. I identify as a church dropout and not a backslider. At first, I thought that it would be hypocritical of me to perform the practices of the faith, like praying, whilst living in what the church would term as sin. Now, I have found truth and it has set me free.
Truth:
Religion is necessary for those seeking a system of accountability. Spirituality however is for the self disciplined. It is possible to lead a spiritual life outside of religion as long as you stay true to yourself. I believe that truth will always bubble from the essence of one’s nature. That is why there isn’t a one-fits-all. That is why no one can claim that they have the full truth to the mystery that is life. Not me. Not the prophets. Not the Sheikhs. Not the scientists. We all have but tiny fragments of a bigger truth.
God is everywhere. In light. In darkness. On the throne. In the pits. Nothing intimidates God and he/she/they are found everywhere. Which is why David laments that he can never hide from God.
And lastly,
Love is the only religion. Teach people love in its truth and they will find God in themselves.
I am yet to find an equilibrium that works for my life. At the end of the day, I accept that I am a fool. That wisdom only embraces a humble mind, and that the blueprint of my life is embedded in my truest and unadulterated essence. The day I will finally know and embrace the nature of who I truly am, is the day I will find true righteousness.
